can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
