Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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