I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
