I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
