He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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