Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
