i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
