My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
