Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
