jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
