Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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