I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
