what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
