Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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