that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Randomize
