Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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