You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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