God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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