You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
