New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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