did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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