i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
