Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
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