you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
