he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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