Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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