He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
