I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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