Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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