I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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