C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
