remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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