you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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