My entire life is one complicated drinking game
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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