that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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