You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
