After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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