Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
