elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
