brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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