You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
