so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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