so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
