She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
