If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
