She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
