I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
