I feel great
I just peed on a car
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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