If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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