Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize