I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
