i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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