I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
