my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
