yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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