woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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