just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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