I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Life is so much better after having sex.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
