Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize