it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
