So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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