Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
should my penis look like a turkey
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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