Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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