you turned your livingroom into a bong?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
