$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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