My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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