One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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