Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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